Here’s a quick little something before everyone goes home for the holiday. Be safe, and stay away from the turducken.
 
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Every holiday has its own culture. Halloween is costumes, candy, and scary movies. Christmas is presents, commercial capitalism, and cheesy Christmas films. Thanksgiving is turkey and football. Where are all the Thanksgiving movies?
 
Is Thanksgiving just not a compelling enough holiday? Is there no story there? That’s ridiculous. If any holiday has a universal meaning it’s Thanksgiving. Halloween is basically a giant party, as is the Fourth of July, and Christmas really only means something to people who are religious. Being thankful for the positive things in our life, though, that’s something everyone can get on board with.
 
I know that Thanksgiving makes a small cameo in a lot of films; the cooking of Thanksgiving dinner turns into a comedy of errors and someone burns the bird. Yeah, it’s been done. I want to see a movie that uses Thanksgiving as the focal point, the way Halloween is at the heart of the Halloween series, or the way that Jennifer Lopez’s ass is at the heart of any movie she has ever been in.
 
It can’t be that hard, and I’ll prove it. Below I have taken a few holiday classics and shifted the focus to Thanksgiving. Enjoy.
 
The Nightmare Before Thanksgiving - Jack is whisked away to a world where every day is Thanksgiving. Everyone is obese, constantly subdued by tryptophan, and forced to watch endless Detroit Lions games. Jack learns that Thanksgiving land is lame and comes to be thankful for his old life.
 
A Thanksgiving Carol - The prequel to the popular “A Christmas Carol.” Ralphie is unhappy with the traditional celebration and wants to hunt his own wild turkey. His parents object, afraid he may “shoot his eye out.” A bitter Ralphie attempts to sabotage Thanksgiving dinner. Hilarity ensues.
 
Turkey Day (Groundhog Day) - Bill Murray finds himself reliving Thanksgiving over and over again. Frustrated at first, he eventually uses the phenomenon to figure out how to bang some chick, and learns to appreciate how clever he is.
 
The Hot Turkey - Rob Schneider switches bodies with a turkey.
 
I could go on, but unlike Hollywood directors, I’m not getting paid for this. I’m not just going to give away all my best ideas for free. Then again, if the Writer’s Guild strike doesn’t end soon, Hollywood might be looking for scabs. They know where to find me.