Everyone knows that Towson is working towards expanding in the coming years. It’s no surprise, what with all the construction and renovation going on, that the school expects a substantial increase in enrollment sometime in the near future. To paraphrase Towson President Robert Caret, these upgrades are meant to benefit the students of tomorrow. Last week I talked about how to make the best of your time here if you are already a Towson student, but what can next year’s freshmen expect?
 
Well, I did some research (you know how I like to get to the bottom of things) and got my hands on an early draft of one of Towson’s recruiting pamphlets for next year. Here’s how they are planning on drawing in all these new students:
 

Towson University - Where Square-Footage Doesn’t Matter

 
At Towson University, we believe in one thing: growth. That’s it. That’s the only thing we believe in.
 
Since 2001, our University has seen a 300% increase in enrollment. By 2010 we hope to be as large as University of Maryland College Park. If expansion continues to go smoothly, we will be the largest (read: only) school in the country by 2025. You might as well go here.
 
Need more convincing? Here is some more information to help you make an informed decision.
 

Where is Towson?

Towson University is located in Towson, Maryland; a mid-sized suburb outside of Baltimore City. What it lacks in acreage, cleanliness, and late-night food, it almost makes up for with its charm. Its lovable residents are always willing to lend a helping hand or, more importantly, receive one from you in the form of money and cigarettes.
 
We have our own mall, our own movie theater, and soon we will have our own Cheesecake Factory. These are excellent places to spend lots of money, wait in long lines, and be accosted. Sometimes all three at once.
 

I had never heard of Towson until TU gave a presentation at my highschool. I kind of wish I had been home sick that day. - B. Dover, Class of ‘09

What is campus life like?

At Towson University, we are all about cramming as many students as possible onto our campus regardless of fire-hazard laws or the principles of physics. Although it may sound uncomfortable, you will learn to love the heavily foot-trafficked walkways and the smell of BO as you walk through class-buildings.
 
Food options on campus are fantastic. Well, one of them is, and we’re not going to tell you which one.
 
There is always something to do on campus. Football game attendance is at an all-time high, and the Campus Activites Board helps bring popular music artists to Towson for live concerts. You will have at least one reason a week to get hammered before noon.
 

My friends and I are always at the game, cheering on our Tigers. We usually leave before half-time to go drink more, but sometimes we pass out in our seats and wake up afterwards. - A. Hugankiss, Class of ‘11

What if I’m stupid?

Don’t worry, you’ll be accepted. “Expansion,” means “getting bigger and stuff.” It also means that we have to be even less picky about who we admit than before. To get a basic idea of whether your application will be approved, here is a checklist (it is by no means official.)
 
- Did you graduate highschool?
 
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you can probably become a student at Towson University.
 

I was rejected from Towson when I applied during my senior year of highschool in 2005. They told me to reapply for 2008 and that I would probably get in then. I asked if I could still be class of ‘09, and they said they’d consider it. - D. Bagg, Class of Maybe ‘09

But I heard…

Forget what you’ve heard about Towson, we are rebuilding our entire image. You may have been told that parking is a nightmare, but by next fall the problem will be a thing of the past. New garages are under construction as we speak, and by the time you move in to your dorms, the nay-sayers will have graduated. You may have heard that Towson once made Playboy’s list of Schools with the Hottest Girls. This is true, but we are doing everything in our power to make sure it never happens again. We want ugly people to feel more at home here.
 

I once heard that President Robert Caret wrestled two crocodiles for a zebra leg and won. I believed it at first, but then it turned out not to be true. - Anonymous Communications Major

 
Towson University is moving forward into the future, and we want you to be a part of our journey. Remember, we believe in growth (and ONLY growth). That means our growth and yours. Both mentally and physically (we have a Chic-Fil-A).