When I first came to Towson, I heard whisperings about a mystical event known simply as Tigerfest. People talk about it like it’s Woodstock. There were supposedly rivers of alcohol flowing through the streets and girls throwing themselves around as if it were a Backstreet Boys concert . After all the buildup, the day had finally arrived.
 
I talked to Will the night before and he told me we were going to the big pre-game party at 9:45am. I thought that sounded a little ridiculous, but I was willing to roll with it because… shit… it’s Tigerfest.
 
I had really been looking forward to this day of debauchery. ASU didn’t have anything like this, which I think is weird. The entire time I was there, we never had any cool festivals or good bands. The coolest thing that happened in my time there was Bill Clinton giving a speech. Funny thing is, there were more people at that one speech than there were at Tigerfest.
 
I woke up at 9am and got ready to head over to campus. In a way I was dreading that first beer, because it was so freaking early. I’ve only gotten drunk in the daytime once or twice in my whole life, and I was about to step into the major leagues of sun-up drinking. Thankfully there had been a misunderstanding about what time Tigerfest actually started, so we ended up holding off on the boozing until about noon.
 
As I suspected, the first one went down a little rough. It just felt weird. I’m not even usually awake at noon, let alone being productive, let alone drinking beer. After beer number one… then beer number two… then a Jager-bomb… and then beerpong…. I was starting to hit my stride.
 
We partied at Valley View Apartments, and it was insane. It felt like Mardi Gras, or armageddon. Hundreds of people were walking around in broad daylight, drinking, dancing, and being merry. Parties were merging, people were playing whiffleball on the hill (I accidentally the hit the ball at a crippled kid. Woops.) Cops drove by and people just laughed. Everyone was tanked by 2pm.
 
Tigerfest itself wasn’t all that exciting. I can’t imagine what we would have done if we actually went there on time. All I saw was a big empty field and a stage. I heard rumors that there was food there but I never saw it.
 
Today I heard everyone complaining about the lines and such. Me, Will, and Jessica must have waited 2 minutes to get in, TOPS. I had people tell me they waited 20+. I guess being VIP comes in handy.
 
Dashboard Confessional played a good set, although it was pretty short. I later found out that’s because people threw things at them. The best part of Tigerfest was the free popcorn. At first we were just eating it, then we starting tossing it into eachothers’ mouths (I tried to do this with some random chick and she gave me the finger), and then I started a full on popcorn war by dumping my bag on Jessica’s head. As Will pointed out to me later, there was like a ten foot buffer on all sides of us. We were “the drunk ones” at Tigerfest; go figure.
 
After Dashboard finished up, I had to go home. It was probably about 8pm at that point, and the day was seriously catching up with me. My plan was to take a “one hour nap” and then be ready for round 2 either at my place or at Valley View again. That didn’t even come CLOSE to happening. My phone was on full volume, and I slept through 9 calls in the span of 3 hours (I guess I wasn’t the only one who wanted to after-party at my place). I was fucking comatose. At midnight I woke up and saw the barrage of messages on my phone, but I decided to just go back to sleep.
 
That night I realized how much havoc Tigerfest really wreaked on my body. I slept in like 3 hour intervals; I kept having to get up to deal with some sort of crisis. The first time I just had a massive headache, and I got up to chug a million cups of water. The second time I realized I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, so I walked downstairs and made myself Lucky Charms at 4:30 in the morning. The third time I felt like I had to puke, but it was a false alarm.
 
Today, I was hungry and exhausted all day. I slept for like 14 hours and it wasn’t enough to wear off that day. Thank God Tigerfest is only once a year.
 
You win, Tigerfest. You beat me.

Friday was a beautiful day, so I spent a lot of it riding around on my bike. When I came home, I propped my doors open, cranked the music, and let the breeze flow in. It was so relaxing, and really made me glad that summer is on the way. At one point, I was walking around my house cleaning, and I heard a voice yell into my house, “Hey!”
 
I looked out my door to see a scruffy looking guy hanging over my porch railing from my neighbors side
 
“You seen Walter?”
 
I told him I hadn’t. Walter is my neighbor, and I’ve actually never met him… or seen him. It’s weird.
 
“Damn. How’d you get into this place?”
 
I told him I’d found my house on Craigslist.
 
“Damnit. I’ve been trying to get into this place for months. Just my luck.”
 
I didn’t really know what to say, so I just looked down for a second.
 
“No, no, don’t do that. Don’t feel bad. Come out here and talk to me for a second.”.
 
A little wary, I stepped out onto the porch and we made our introductions.
 
“I’m Tim, but everyone calls me Rowdy”
 
He did an overly elaborate handshake with me and refused to let go until we had completed it. There were slides and hooks and pounds. It was crazy.
 
“Hey man, I’m Evan. It’s good to meet you.”
“You’re the first person who’s said that to me in a really long time.”
 
It was then that I saw him stumble backwards for a few steps. I realized that he was wasted.
He kept me in a long uncomfortable conversation for a good 5 minutes about how he has horrible luck, all his employers screw him over, and he can’t get welfare… He’s homeless, by the way.
 
“Hey, do you want to rent a room? 100 bucks a month?” he asked.
“Uhhhh…..”
 
I thought he wanted to rent a room out to me. He clarified…
 
“I’m just looking for somewhere to stay, man,” he added.
 
I told him that I already had a roommate. He asked if me and my roomate were close and I told him that yes we were best friends.
 
“Okay thats cool man, how about your basement?”
 

In the end, I had to turn him away. I like to consider myself a humanitarian… actually, no I don’t. But even if I did, that would have been beyond the limits of ridiculousness that I can handle. Still, it would have been funny.

Saturday when I came home from work, I discovered one of the weirdest fucking scenes I have ever come across. My front door was unlocked, which honestly didn’t surprise me. Some friends had spent the night, and as I left for work that morning I told them to lock up and they probably just forgot. That’s not the weird part. When I walked into the kitchen, the back door was WIDE open. Not only that, there was a freaking extension cord running from outside into my kitchen wall. I followed it out to the side yard and found that it wasn’t plugged into anything. Not only that, but on the back porch was a small plastic tub of PVC cement or something.
 
Maybe it doesn’t sound all that weird to you, but just imagine coming home and discovering that in your house. Maybe you’re thinking my landlord let himself in and had to do something, but he has never let himself into my house without calling to let me know he was coming. And he certainly wouldn’t have left both of my doors wide open. The other weird thing is that ALL my shit was still there. Not a single thing was missing.
 
So what did I do? I unplugged the extension cord and threw it outside into my yard. Today it was gone.