I was walking through the mall today when I passed a store I hadn’t seen before. It’s called Garage. The sign is neon pink, but with a cool name like Garage, I thought there might be some interesting clothes inside. Or maybe a good place to park my car. A quick glance at the mannequins in the window and the customers inside told me everything I needed to know; I wouldn’t be shopping there today, or any other day for that matter. That’s because Garage sells clothes for girls. I don’t see why they would need clothes, but I guess if some sort of emergency arose, they could get them there. I was pretty disappointed.
 
Upon further, and quite accidental, research, I learned that Garage is a Canadian brand. The store in Towson Town Center is their first ever in the United States. Supposedly, Towson Town Center is a popular mall for new stores looking to launch their brand. The first Apple Store was there, as well as the first Nordstroms. But to choose Towson as the first international location, that really says something. And it’s only getting bigger, with a Cheesecake Factory and P.F. Chang’s moving in (or so I’ve heard).
 
The University and the mall have a lot in common in that sense. They’re both expanding, there’s nowhere to park at either place, and both reek of Hollister cologne. As it turns out, school administrators and mall owners have been collaborating for years on a shared business model.
 
Mall executives are involved in talks about being adopted as a branch of the University and renamed “Career Services.” If you’ve ever worked there you know that more than half of the employees are Towson students. It works out because over half of the customers are Towson students too. Towson Town Center is like its own little self-sustaining economy. The money never leaves that place, it just gets recycled.  Said University President Bob Caret, “We saw how well TTC was doing, so we decided to borrow a page from their play book. We realized that by hiring students instead of outsiders for on-campus jobs, we could save money while simultaneously distracting students from their studies. Everyone wins.”
 
The similarities don’t end there. Towson Town Center has a handful of rival malls in the area, just like TU has rival schools. University-Mall Liaison Mike Goff explained it as such: “Arundel Mills is easily compared to University of Maryland College Park. It’s huge, expensive, and just far enough away to make you not want to visit. White Marsh is just like Goucher; pretty solid in all respects if it weren’t for the bizarre people that go there. Hunt Valley is essentially the same as UMBC. The layout is such that you probably won’t ever go there without a specific purpose. If there is such a thing as a commuter mall it’s Hunt Valley. Security Square is obviously Morgan. We use these rivalries to create brand loyalty and also to sell more sweatshirts at football games.”
 
The best things about Towson University’s campus are the surplus of beautiful girls, the Chic Fil-A, and not being there (not necessarily in that order). Similarly, the best things about Towson Town Center are the surplus of beautiful girls, the Chic Fil-A, and not being there. Goff writes, “The last thing we want is for there to be competition between the two entities. If one can offer something that the other can’t, then we’re shooting ourselves in the foot. The similarities are certainly on purpose. Do you really think Baltimore produces all these beautiful girls? We have them shipped in from as far away as Anne Arundel County.”
 
Goff had no comment when asked if it’s a coincidence that the most disappointing part of both Towson University and Towson Town Center is the Garage.

Everyone knows that Towson is working towards expanding in the coming years. It’s no surprise, what with all the construction and renovation going on, that the school expects a substantial increase in enrollment sometime in the near future. To paraphrase Towson President Robert Caret, these upgrades are meant to benefit the students of tomorrow. Last week I talked about how to make the best of your time here if you are already a Towson student, but what can next year’s freshmen expect?
 
Well, I did some research (you know how I like to get to the bottom of things) and got my hands on an early draft of one of Towson’s recruiting pamphlets for next year. Here’s how they are planning on drawing in all these new students:
 

Towson University - Where Square-Footage Doesn’t Matter

 
At Towson University, we believe in one thing: growth. That’s it. That’s the only thing we believe in.
 
Since 2001, our University has seen a 300% increase in enrollment. By 2010 we hope to be as large as University of Maryland College Park. If expansion continues to go smoothly, we will be the largest (read: only) school in the country by 2025. You might as well go here.
 
Need more convincing? Here is some more information to help you make an informed decision.
 

Where is Towson?

Towson University is located in Towson, Maryland; a mid-sized suburb outside of Baltimore City. What it lacks in acreage, cleanliness, and late-night food, it almost makes up for with its charm. Its lovable residents are always willing to lend a helping hand or, more importantly, receive one from you in the form of money and cigarettes.
 
We have our own mall, our own movie theater, and soon we will have our own Cheesecake Factory. These are excellent places to spend lots of money, wait in long lines, and be accosted. Sometimes all three at once.
 

I had never heard of Towson until TU gave a presentation at my highschool. I kind of wish I had been home sick that day. - B. Dover, Class of ‘09

What is campus life like?

At Towson University, we are all about cramming as many students as possible onto our campus regardless of fire-hazard laws or the principles of physics. Although it may sound uncomfortable, you will learn to love the heavily foot-trafficked walkways and the smell of BO as you walk through class-buildings.
 
Food options on campus are fantastic. Well, one of them is, and we’re not going to tell you which one.
 
There is always something to do on campus. Football game attendance is at an all-time high, and the Campus Activites Board helps bring popular music artists to Towson for live concerts. You will have at least one reason a week to get hammered before noon.
 

My friends and I are always at the game, cheering on our Tigers. We usually leave before half-time to go drink more, but sometimes we pass out in our seats and wake up afterwards. - A. Hugankiss, Class of ‘11

What if I’m stupid?

Don’t worry, you’ll be accepted. “Expansion,” means “getting bigger and stuff.” It also means that we have to be even less picky about who we admit than before. To get a basic idea of whether your application will be approved, here is a checklist (it is by no means official.)
 
- Did you graduate highschool?
 
If you answered yes to all of these questions, then you can probably become a student at Towson University.
 

I was rejected from Towson when I applied during my senior year of highschool in 2005. They told me to reapply for 2008 and that I would probably get in then. I asked if I could still be class of ‘09, and they said they’d consider it. - D. Bagg, Class of Maybe ‘09

But I heard…

Forget what you’ve heard about Towson, we are rebuilding our entire image. You may have been told that parking is a nightmare, but by next fall the problem will be a thing of the past. New garages are under construction as we speak, and by the time you move in to your dorms, the nay-sayers will have graduated. You may have heard that Towson once made Playboy’s list of Schools with the Hottest Girls. This is true, but we are doing everything in our power to make sure it never happens again. We want ugly people to feel more at home here.
 

I once heard that President Robert Caret wrestled two crocodiles for a zebra leg and won. I believed it at first, but then it turned out not to be true. - Anonymous Communications Major

 
Towson University is moving forward into the future, and we want you to be a part of our journey. Remember, we believe in growth (and ONLY growth). That means our growth and yours. Both mentally and physically (we have a Chic-Fil-A).

From BizJournals.com:
 

Villa Julie College says it plans to become a university and research on a possible name change is under way.
 
The Stevenson-based college of roughly 3,000 students in June hired Hollander, Cohen & McBride, a marketing firm in Towson, to research the impact of a name change.

 
I read this and started thinking about Towson State University’s earth-shattering decision to drop the “state,” so it would sound like a better school than it actually is. I wonder if they also hired a marketing team to consult on the name change. Despite the fact that on Madden 2008 we are still listed as Towson State, thus proving that no one outside of Maryland gives a shit, I think that dropping the “State” was a good idea. The new name rolls off the tongue a little more easily and saves space on sweatshirts. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, what other ideas were rejected before deciding on Towson University.
 
Well, I did some research and found some information on the Towson name change. Apparently, they brought in outside consultants and researched several different strategies. After reviewing thousands of pages of paperwork and interviewing dozens of those involved, I have summarized my findings below.
 
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