Friday was a beautiful day, so I spent a lot of it riding around on my bike. When I came home, I propped my doors open, cranked the music, and let the breeze flow in. It was so relaxing, and really made me glad that summer is on the way. At one point, I was walking around my house cleaning, and I heard a voice yell into my house, “Hey!”
 
I looked out my door to see a scruffy looking guy hanging over my porch railing from my neighbors side
 
“You seen Walter?”
 
I told him I hadn’t. Walter is my neighbor, and I’ve actually never met him… or seen him. It’s weird.
 
“Damn. How’d you get into this place?”
 
I told him I’d found my house on Craigslist.
 
“Damnit. I’ve been trying to get into this place for months. Just my luck.”
 
I didn’t really know what to say, so I just looked down for a second.
 
“No, no, don’t do that. Don’t feel bad. Come out here and talk to me for a second.”.
 
A little wary, I stepped out onto the porch and we made our introductions.
 
“I’m Tim, but everyone calls me Rowdy”
 
He did an overly elaborate handshake with me and refused to let go until we had completed it. There were slides and hooks and pounds. It was crazy.
 
“Hey man, I’m Evan. It’s good to meet you.”
“You’re the first person who’s said that to me in a really long time.”
 
It was then that I saw him stumble backwards for a few steps. I realized that he was wasted.
He kept me in a long uncomfortable conversation for a good 5 minutes about how he has horrible luck, all his employers screw him over, and he can’t get welfare… He’s homeless, by the way.
 
“Hey, do you want to rent a room? 100 bucks a month?” he asked.
“Uhhhh…..”
 
I thought he wanted to rent a room out to me. He clarified…
 
“I’m just looking for somewhere to stay, man,” he added.
 
I told him that I already had a roommate. He asked if me and my roomate were close and I told him that yes we were best friends.
 
“Okay thats cool man, how about your basement?”
 

In the end, I had to turn him away. I like to consider myself a humanitarian… actually, no I don’t. But even if I did, that would have been beyond the limits of ridiculousness that I can handle. Still, it would have been funny.

You may have seen this guy who walks around the 7-11/Towson Commons area all day long asking for money. He’s sort of a chunky black guy; looks about 17. I didn’t call him a bum, or a homeless man, or a beggar; and for good reason. He’s just a normal dude. Hell, half the time he’s wearing nicer clothes than I am. Sometimes he’ll make up a lame excuse like he needs to catch the bus or buy cigarettes, but more often than not his sales pitch is “Yo, you got a dolla?” A lot of the time he’ll yell that at people from across the street or down the block. He’s out there EVERY SINGLE DAY. I live right next to his corner, so he asks me for money about 4 times a week. One time he asked me as I was on my way somewhere. “Yo you got a dolla?” I told him no, of course. I walked past him again on my way back two minutes later and he was in the middle of harassing someone else, so I thought I was going to get a free pass. That and I didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to ask me twice in a row. Wrong.
 
“Yo you got two dollas?”

“No.”

“You got a dolla?”
 
Are you serious? I want to stab this guy in the eyeball.