We’ve all done them. We’ve all hated them.

My three least favorite words to hear in the classroom are “write a paper,” provided they aren’t followed by a clear explanation. My second least favorite words to hear in the classroom are “get into groups.” It doesn’t matter what follows that; there is nothing good at the end of that sentence. But that’s really neither here not there.

I can write a paper if you give me… I don’t know… a topic. I’ll even take some rough guidelines, or a sample subject. Opening up an entire semester’s worth of discussion and readings and telling me to “form a thesis” is the least helpful thing a teacher can do.

The question and answer sessions following these assignments are always hysterical. It’s obvious to everyone but the teacher that no one has any idea what to do. To the professor, though, it couldn’t be more clear. I think these discussions might be more helpful if that one kid didn’t always finish half of his paper the day it was assigned. He’ll put his hand up in the middle of a “what the fuck” question and ask the teacher to critique his thesis and if he should focus more on the 17th century Irish literature as a separate entity or if he should examine its impact on modern authors, particularly in regards to the early women’s movement and first wave feminism.

Great, now everyone else looks retarded. Thanks. I’m still trying to figure out if the pages have to be numbered and you’re already looking for proofreaders. Don’t look at me. I hate you.

The best is when you turn the paper in, get a sub-par grade, and are offered the chance to rewrite it. This is especially awesome when you STILL don’t know what you’re supposed to be writing about. The comments never help. Circling random sentences in red ink and adding a question mark, putting tiny check marks next to words that seem to please you, and scribbling illegible notes in your microscopic handwriting doesn’t help me make revisions. I shouldn’t need The Rosetta Stone to understand where I went wrong.

I’m tempted to sit and crank out papers on random topics all day long; eventually one of them is going to be satisfactory. Or I could get an infinite number of monkeys to bang indiscriminately on typewriters, and in 7 billion years I’ll have a masterpiece. It’s minus 10 points per day it’s late, so that’s…. the end of my college career as I know it.

1. Will., December 7, 2007:

   Group projects are the worst thing I’ve ever encountered. And I’ve encountered some pretty worst things.

2. Katya, December 7, 2007:

   Working in groups eats at my soul little by little.

   And I’m starting to find that papers are quite pointless as are the “comments” some teachers make on your papers.

3. Barbara, December 9, 2007:

   Whatever happened to working together for the greater good? Whatever happened to pulling together and bringing the best you have to the table so that all might succeed?

   Okay, real life? There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that your grade will suck because your “team” has better things to do and you don’t.

4. Will., December 10, 2007:

   If I have to hear the “Media Violence and the Youth” presentation one more fucking time, I swear I’m dropping out of school.