From BizJournals.com:
Villa Julie College says it plans to become a university and research on a possible name change is under way.
The Stevenson-based college of roughly 3,000 students in June hired Hollander, Cohen & McBride, a marketing firm in Towson, to research the impact of a name change.
I read this and started thinking about Towson State University’s earth-shattering decision to drop the “state,” so it would sound like a better school than it actually is. I wonder if they also hired a marketing team to consult on the name change. Despite the fact that on Madden 2008 we are still listed as Towson State, thus proving that no one outside of Maryland gives a shit, I think that dropping the “State” was a good idea. The new name rolls off the tongue a little more easily and saves space on sweatshirts. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, what other ideas were rejected before deciding on Towson University.
Well, I did some research and found some information on the Towson name change. Apparently, they brought in outside consultants and researched several different strategies. After reviewing thousands of pages of paperwork and interviewing dozens of those involved, I have summarized my findings below.
The University of Towson: At first glance this seems like a pretty legitimate option, but upon closer examination it is catastrophically flawed. First, the name implies that the town could stand alone without the school. Simply not true. If TU closed down, Towson would look like London in 28 Days Later, only 27 days sooner. Second, the last thing America needs is another UT. REJECTED.
Towson: This one might have been worth a shot, although it would still officially be shorthand for Towson University. If people weren’t careful, Towson would have accidentally been slipped in there with the other one word universities on occasion. We could be lumped together with worse. Harvard, Yale, Towson, Cornell, Hof… hey, wait a minute. Consultants argued that while enrollment rates may temporarily increase, the amount of students transferring out of Towson would go up exponentially as they eventually realized it was not, in fact, an Ivy League school. REJECTED.
The University of Baltimore County: Research showed that including the name “Baltimore,” anywhere in the school’s title would have frightened students and faculty alike. Administration prefers to stay as separate as possible from the B word so as not to scare off students who don’t own guns. Also it sounds stupid. REJECTED.
Towson Institute for the Liberal Arts: Almost made the final cut. Unfortunately, however, 78% of students polled thought that Liberal Arts meant “painting pictures of Democrats.” The idea was scrapped and entrance requirements immediately raised. REJECTED.
Towson University brought to you by Hollister: It would have been a radical new approach to college recruiting, but in the end Towson officials didn’t think the world was ready to see commercially sponsored universities. Early rumors point towards “Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club’s Duke University,” by 2012, which is both ironic and controversial. REJECTED.
TowXson UniverZity: The proposed name came attached to a fresh, new marketing campaign. The school would hire younger, hotter teachers, offer eXtrEme majors like snowboarding and street luge, and replace the drumline with a ska band at all sporting events. The new eXtrEme Towson was ultimately shot down when, as one board member put it, “we realized we don’t know a fucking thing about what is cool.” REJECTED.
Tao-Sun Institute for the Healing Arts: Despite coming from way out in left-field, Tao-Sun Institute was met with surprising approval. Plans to reformat the entire university were mapped out and student objections ignored. Logistics, though, proved to be the undoing of the new campaign, specifically a shortage of qualified instructors. “The only way to find teachers would be to ship them in from out West. California, Arizona, Oregon,” an anonymous consultant admitted. “And we just couldn’t pay them enough to come live in Baltimore.” REJECTED.
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I would’ve gone to TowXson UniverZity. Ska bands make any unwatchable sporting event watchable. That or if for every basketball game they played the Harlem Globetrotters music.